Sunday, June 27, 2010

9 months ago

So its already been 9 months since Tristan was taken home to God. Sometimes it feels like it was just last month.

God is leading me down some awesome paths which makes me think all my pain and loss with my parents, Tristan and now dealing with a dying father-in-law. I am feeling guided to do grief ministry. I am in the process of writing something up for my church. I have also be invited to be a leader in one of my groups. God's hand has always been in it all. God is using every grief pain I have felt or not felt until years later to aid me to hopefully help others. Dare I say it but my losses are turning into blessings.

My relationship with Christ is stronger than it ever has been. I'm am finding peace in ways I didn't think possible until I started to have a stronger faith that peace and comfort in loss is possible but only through Christ. I am just in awe at the power God can have in your life if you just invite Him in and trust. And I truly have to say that Tristan was the cherry on top of my blessing sundae. Without my miscarriage I would not be were I am right now.

I know some of you who read this might not like what I am about to say but please understand where I am coming from. I can say though it does hurt I am thankful for the loss of my baby, Christ used it for the good just as he promises. God truly can use all our burdens, trials, troubles and hardships for good you just have to stop focusing on that one small event in your life and look at the bigger picture. I once read that sometimes when we look at the world as humans it's like watching a parade through a small pin hole. You can only see maybe one person at a time but the way God sees things is to view the whole parade as if from a satellite. So take a step back and try to view the parade of your life from a satellite and not just from that small pin hole.

Will I still have pain and heartache of course I will but the difference now is God is right there ready to help me make it through and here is the most important part I am ready and willing to seek Him in those moments for His comfort and peace.

Father we're so tempted to perceive the world we live in through the lenses of the materialistic people around us. It is so easy to want to accumulate wealth, to indulge ourselves rather than denying ourselves. Forgive us for losing sight of Jesus and his way. Help me to learn deeply what it means to take up my cross -daily- and follow wherever you go, whatever the cost. Teach me. I thank you for your amazing patience. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.

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