Sunday, February 28, 2010

How does faith and infertility meet?

I was online searching for how religion and fertility treatments meet. Basicly looks like the Christian belief is that something that aids the couple in natural conception is acceptable but if there is a third party involved it is not. So I can take shots or meds to help but no IVF or IUI or other treatments similar. One site even said that infertility is God's way of telling you to adopt. Harsh but it is an option I'm very open to.

James 1:2-5
2 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. 5 If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.

I am coming to terms with the fact that maybe I will not have a child naturally. It's not so bad because I remind myself that God does not make mistakes. That he knows my path and I'm just along for the ride waiting for instruction or waiting until I'm open to His instruction.

I pray daily that God will reveal His purpose for my life and that he will give me the strength to accept what ever it may be. I want children in my future but what is that is not God's purpose for my life? Can I accept that? With God all things are possible so with time and God's help the answer would be 'yes'

I won't quit trying until I'm told I truly am infertile I've got a few more months before we would start getting tested for it. My worry is my age - 35 this June. My weight - "too much". Maybe my focus right now needs to be on getting me to healthy state so I can more easily carry a child. Who knows maybe these extra pounds are what keeps me from getting pregnant again.

Saying prayers and hoping for the best.

Found this article interesting:

an excerpt from the article that struck me:

And for the couples going through the suffering of infertility: Remember that our God is One who brings life and promise. An expanded appreciation of the story of redemption, and an understanding of the corporate-ness of our life together in the gospel, may expand our view of how we – even childless – can contribute life to this, our Father’s world.

As one couple wrote, “We might never look to someone and say, ‘She has my eyes.’ But God, please make it so that we might look to someone and say, ‘She has my faith.’” We know this well, because it is taken from our journal in 1994. Through our experience we came to confess more resolutely what we now teach our children from the Heidelberg Catechism: that as our Almighty Father, He truly is “able to turn to our good whatever adversity He sends us in this sad world.” The mystery of grace.

Monday, February 22, 2010


Why is it that some people "just get pregnant" they don't have to try and the end up with more kids then they can handle. Why are some blessed with so many and it's a struggle for others to even have just one. It's just not fair. To say the least I'm hurt, angry and frustrated.

I'm asking God to help get my heart on straight again, to strengthen my faith that it will happen in His time. God does not make mistakes so I just have to keep holding on to that.

I just never thought I would feel so hurt and almost betrayed when getting news that others get pregnant. But this feeling only seems to come when I hear of someone who already has 3 or more children and they are having yet another. I also get that feeling when I hear of someone who gets pregnant and is like well I got pregnant now I have to deal with it. Why God? When will it be my turn to be the mommy to a living child. I feel like I'm stuck in some cruel joke surrounded by people who are pregnant its torture on my emotional state.

But if God doesn't make mistakes than all these women are in my life for a reason. God crosses our paths for some purpose just as He has crossed my path with other angel mommies. I found comfort in the words of other angel mommies. But I feel jealousy, hurt, anger, and sadness with the pregnant women. I try to put on a brave face but inside I'm a mess.

God please heal my heart so I can hear you more clearly, You gave your son for me because I'm a sinner. I am lucky to be your treasure even when I sin you still love me and stand by me. God please set my heart right, help me see you don't make mistakes and that in time my purpose will be fulfilled and to accept the purpose you set before me even if it includes not having children. I believe Lord Jesus you are the light on my dark path. Only through you Lord can I be who you want me to be. I am thankful to be yours, I am blessed you have always been there and will always be there, You know my story before I even was born you know my path ahead oh Lord, I am your treasure there fore I am worthy of the path you lead me down. Thank you Lord for blessing my life.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


God has laid it on my heart that I should adopt. I feel He is telling me to "save" a child. There are so many children who need good homes.

I presented this to my husband and he feels we should wait till January 2011 like we originally planned. But I feel so driven to adopt now instead of waiting. I really wish hubby could feel what I'm feeling deep in my soul. I have so much love to give that I just don't want to wait any longer. If God is to bless us with a biological child that is wonderful. But when there are so many children out there that need love and homes why wait to see what happens.

I have asked my husband to pray about it and see what God presents to him, but I feel he is so closed to this option right now that if God did lay it on his heart I don't think he would hear it.

I want this so bad the only thing I can even compare it to is wanting my Tristan. I long for Tristan just as much as I long for a child, be it adopted or biological its just time for me to be the mommy of a living child who needs love.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. (James 1:27, NIV)

For when the ear heard, it called me blessed, and when the eye saw, it gave witness of me, because I delivered the poor who cried for help, and the orphan who had no helper. The blessing of the one ready to perish came upon me, and I made the widow's heart sing for joy. (Job 29:11-13, NASB)