Tuesday, July 27, 2010

10 months

Today I'm trying to praise God in my pain. So hard to do really. Every month anniversary that goes by the more I'm reminded I still have empty arms. I'm am longing to hold my child, to hear him/her laugh, cry, talk, watch them play and develop. I feel like my life is not fulfilled without having a child.

I keep telling God just how much I want this. And His answer to me is be patient. Patience has always been something I struggle with. Time is not on my side in the matters of having children. So I just am so afraid my time will run out before it happens. Yes there is always adoption but after having the miscarriage, I just seem to long more and more of a child of my own. God's timing is always perfect he does everything just right. In HIS time my child will be presented no matter what the means it is all part of His grand plan.

I give praise to God, I work on turning my whole life to Him, yet my little human heart aches for what might have been. I miss Tristan even thou Tristan only grew inside of me for 11 weeks I still found a love and amazement with this little being inside of me. I still had many dreams for our future, his future, now they are only dreams and will never come to be.

I know God's blessings on my life will come but I can't help but want a baby now, in my time not His. I will wait because I have no choice but I will still praise God because that is my choice. His timing is perfect, I just need to be patient and give Him all the praises.

I miss you my little sweet pea!

Memioral Video