Thursday, May 20, 2010

Insight from Bible Study

II Cor 12:9
Each time he said, "My gracious favor is all you need my power works best in your weakness" so now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may work through me.

I was listening to Blessed Redeemer by Casting Crowns while doing this and something struck me very deeply.

God used Jesus in his weakest moment on the cross to save me! The power of God shown through in Jesus' weakest moment. Just as the verse says "my power works best in your weakness". Did God use Tristan at his weakest to save me yet again? God knew that my miscarriage would draw me closer to Him because He has always known when I would draw close, He has always known every step and motion I would take. And now using me in my weakness of grief to share His words and love with others. It feels like a full circle. Weakness = God's power.

I have never felt so loved and cared for in my life as I do in this very moment. My heart is filled with peace and love. The Lord is working within me in ways I could never even imagine. I am blessed. Thank You Heavenly Father! Thank you for making me part of your plans. Thank you for sending your son to forgive me. Thank you for giving me weakness so that you may be the light and force to shine through.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Bible Study Lesson 1

I have started the "Threads of Hope, Pieces of Joy" (Teale Fackler & Gwen Kik)Bible Study for the second time.

This really stood out to me from Lesson one:
God is offering you not only the gift of a child but also a time of intimate training guided by His loving hand. He wants you to sit down with Him and the scraps and He'll show you how to piece them together.

Lesson one talks about sharing your story:click here to read my miscarriage story

If you are interested in taking the online Bible Study check out Anchored by Hope for more information.

Found this

My Mom is a survivor, or so I've heard it said.
But I hear her crying at night when all others are in bed.
I watch her lay awake at night and go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her to help her understand.
But like the sands on the beach that never wash away...
I watch over my surviving mom, who thinks of me each day.
She wears a smile for others...a smile of disguise.

I found this today online and wanted to share it.

God Has Big Plans for Me

Does it ever end?

I realized this last night . . . I was sharing with someone about my history. Dad died (heart attack) when I was 13. Mom died (breast cancer) when I was 22. Miscarried (at 11 weeks) when I was 34. Had surgery to removed endometriosis and lost one fallopian tube also age 34. Now my father in law has stage 4 stomach cancer and has been giving 3-6 months to live (and I'm still 34) So age 34 not so good so far looking forward to 35. But here is what I've realized with all this loss and this sadness God MUST be preparing me for something really really big - because I've sure had my fair share of bad but all that bad lead me to the "Arms of the Lord" so it was all very worth it. And what ever He has planned for me next will make it all worth it in the end.

I sometimes wish God would tell me what those plans are but all I can do is hold on to a couple verse from the Bible that remind me.

Jeremiah 29:11
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Romans 5:3-6
3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. 6 When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners.

No matter the direction my life takes God already knows where I'm going, and if I open my heart and ears and listen to His path I can not go wrong.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Pair of Shoes

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Author unknown

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Happy Mother's Day

"Even if your baby lived one day inside of you, you are still a mother! Your body was with child; therefore, in a very real sense you are a genuine mother. That is special, and worthy of recognition. It is extremely important to give validity to the fact that you wear the cherished name mother. Am I a mother? Yes!"

Today should have been my first mother's day. I guess it still is my first mother's day yet I have no child to hold in my arms. No child to teach and show the way. No child to give that mothering touch to. Deep in my heart I am a Mother I did care for my little Tristan. I know Tristan has picked the most beautiful flowers just for me I can see them in my mind when I think of him. I can feel the love of God through my little lost angel. I am a mother with empty arms yet a very full and loving heart. Waiting for the day that I will her the word's "Mommy I love you" said out loud and not just from my heart.