Friday, November 27, 2009


There is a part of me that wants to have another child and then there is a part of me that doesn't even want to begin to think about it. I'm so afraid of another miscarriage and second loss. I can't let fear hold me back. God's hand is on me and what ever is meant to happen is what will happen. I have to have faith in His plan for my life. I am not in control.

There is also a part of me that thinks if I have another Tristan will be forgotten. I know I won't forget Tristan but others will. I can imagine how Tristan would have developed and I can visit him when ever I want. But would a new baby take my focus off of Tristan. Will others forget that I would be a mommy of two? one living, one angel.

I am confused on how things will be, but I trust God will take care of things. Maybe my loss of Tristan will make me an even better mommy to my next child.

1 comment:

  1. Amanda,

    I once read of a conversation between a husband and wife who had lost a child. The mother was scared to try again. Her husband's response? "Yea it would be terrible if it happened again, but it would be WONDERFUL if it didn't." I immediately loved this when I read it.

    Having other children will not ever diminish the life of Tristan. You honor your angel everyday by journaling your emotions through this loss and sharing all of these things you do with the rest of us. We will always remember Tristan. Always.

    Big hugs to you,