Wednesday, December 30, 2009


My daily devotional presented me with this:
When you ask God for a vision you're likely to be placed in a field of opportunities concealed under acres of obstacles. Then He will stand back and watch how you engage in the ministry of obstacle management!

And from a second source I was presented with this message:
That circumstances don't make you, they reveal you. How you respond to the life God offers you is what makes you.

I believe the losses in my life has hindered my vision. I've lost sight of the vision of my life. I just sit and do very little but grieve and escape my life. Is this God's vision for my life? I think not. I need to refocus on what God's purpose is for me. My life has had so many obstacles and my obstacle management was simply to avoid them instead of overcome them. When you avoid obstacles they pile up until you are ready to deal with them head on. And to take them all at once head on is overwhelming. I need to line them up and now face them one at a time, take them on and work through them this time not avoid them.

The loss of Tristan has allowed a number of unresolved obstacles to present themselves to me. It's no wonder why I'm avoiding life - I'm simply overwhelmed by all the obstacles piling up on me at once. Yes I grieve the loss of my little one but I believe it has broken a flood gate of other grief. The grief of the death of my father, the grief of the death of my mother, lost dreams, lost hopes, feelings of abandonment, dealing with emotional abuse that I experienced as a child, lost friendships, loss of self.

The world can look pretty dark and scary when you are carrying around so much weight. My grief suitcase is very very heavy. It's time to start to unpack some of these obstacles that are standing in the way of my life vision. God has truly used my loss of Tristan to help heal my whole self. If I just peek over the pile of obstacles in front of me I can see that God has great things in store for me. Even more wonderful God is my strength to work through the obstacles this time. Through faith, love, perseverance and God's help I will make it to the other side of my obstacle mountain.

Dear Lord,
Thank you for your faithful love, thank you for showing me the way, thank you for seeing my heart, thank you for believing in me even when I don't. Lord you are the strength and way to overcoming what holds me back in my life's vision. Thank you for presenting me with the path to overcome.


  1. Hi Amanda !

    Thank you for sharing , I find your posts inspiring as my faith is not so strong but I do want to believe.
    I feel like you as I also experienced grief before .
    I lost my first baby in may this year at what I thought was 11 weeks but it was a missed miscarriage and the baby died earlier at w 7+4.

    I too feel that the grief is in the way for my vision of life .
    Its hard to fight it though and Im still not oever it even if I have many good days too.
    This Christmas and New Year I didnt manage to cope with the obstacles as it became to heavy to carry .
    Wish you joy and happiness in the new year and that you will be able to follow Gods vision for your life and put the sadness aside , this is what I wish for myself too.

    Love Angie

  2. Kristen,

    New to your blog, and find your words so true. Keep lining up your obstacles and approach them one at a time, as that seems to be helping me find my way through the storm. Like you, at 36, I suffered the loss of my first child. I went from uncontainable happiness to profound sadness in the course of a few seconds.

    The road to recovery is hard and I'm refering to it as "Restoration" these days. But, we take it one day at a time and let "him" direct our steps. Hold on to your faith and own the pain when you can.

    Many Prayers,