Saturday, September 4, 2010

Scared and Hurting

The last two days I've been having pains that remind me of the day I miscarried. I'm very freaked out. I don't know if I'm pregnant or not I still have a couple weeks before I can test. But the pains I'm having are taking me right back to the day I miscarried. My mind is all over the place, I'll go from thinking oh maybe it's just a new baby starting to grow inside of me to, maybe it's just the pains of the endometriosis coming back. I keep praying for God to guide me and comfort me but my mind just can't stay settled. I'm hurting both physically and emotionally today, I just want peace, I'm scared that something else is wrong with me.

I felt like I had been finally starting to move on with my life (living with my grief instead of inside my grief) but as the last two days have proven that I'm not as far along in my process as I thought plus this month Sept 27 will mark one year since Tristan was taken home. My heart is breaking.

I know I have to be kind and patient with myself. TRUST GOD He is my hope and strength.


  1. Amanda,

    I'm so sorry that you are feeling all these emotions. I can relate to being paranoid about something else going wrong, as I too suffered a medical scare recently. Unfortunately, when we endure all that we have its often inevitable to feel secure. I pray that you can find peace and will be lifting you up in prayer.

    Hang in there, as this is such a terribly difficult road to walk. The main objective though is to keep walkikng and hold on to FAITH and never lose sight of HOPE.

    Much Love to you,

  2. Just catching up...hating that you are going through this and wishing there was a faster and more sure way to know what's going on (not that that always helps, but at least takes the unknown out of the equation!)

    Praying for the pain and for answers...and miraculous ones at that!