Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Pursuit of a Dream

Had my annual OB/GYN visit yesterday and left in tears. Being in the Doctors office triggered memories of my aftercare visit from the miscarriage. Then triggering yet again that I feel like an incomplete woman because I can't seem to get pregnant. My cycles since the Endo surgery 45-47 days Dr says I can't get pregnant with cycles that long. So we've started Provera to kick start my period and this month we move to 100mg of Clomid. I guess I just don't realize how bad I want a baby until I'm confronted with it straight on.

I feel like IVF is going to be our best chance, however since my husband is Catholic and checked the Vatican website and it states no third party involvement, I can take drugs to help it happen "naturally" but we can't use doctors to fertilize. Which means if it doesn't happen naturally then adoption is our only option. I'm just feeling like I'm broken and don't function right.

Sept 27 will be one year since Tristan bloomed in heaven so I guess I just need to be kind to myself during this anniversary time. I just keep reminding myself of two verses in the bible:
Isaiah 55:8-9 : For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts
Jeremiah 29:11 : For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

If you read this I ask that you include me in your prayers over the next couple weeks to help guard me against spiritual attack.


  1. Amanda,

    Praying for you always. I have geat hope in the provera helping to get your cycle in sync. As for the clomid, that is the means by which I was able to conceive after more than 1 year of trying.

    If IVF is not an option, then can you do IUI along with Clomid and the Ovidrel trigger? That is still natural conception.

    Many HUGS and much love and support

  2. Amanda,

    I found out on Sept. 21, 2010 that I can not ever carry another baby. I will be praying for you. You commented on my blog a while back and I was reading yours tonight and I wanted you to know that I too have the same feeling you do. Will be praying ((Hugs)) and Love <3