Tuesday, July 27, 2010

10 months

Today I'm trying to praise God in my pain. So hard to do really. Every month anniversary that goes by the more I'm reminded I still have empty arms. I'm am longing to hold my child, to hear him/her laugh, cry, talk, watch them play and develop. I feel like my life is not fulfilled without having a child.

I keep telling God just how much I want this. And His answer to me is be patient. Patience has always been something I struggle with. Time is not on my side in the matters of having children. So I just am so afraid my time will run out before it happens. Yes there is always adoption but after having the miscarriage, I just seem to long more and more of a child of my own. God's timing is always perfect he does everything just right. In HIS time my child will be presented no matter what the means it is all part of His grand plan.

I give praise to God, I work on turning my whole life to Him, yet my little human heart aches for what might have been. I miss Tristan even thou Tristan only grew inside of me for 11 weeks I still found a love and amazement with this little being inside of me. I still had many dreams for our future, his future, now they are only dreams and will never come to be.

I know God's blessings on my life will come but I can't help but want a baby now, in my time not His. I will wait because I have no choice but I will still praise God because that is my choice. His timing is perfect, I just need to be patient and give Him all the praises.

I miss you my little sweet pea!


  1. So true sweet friend, we want things in our time and not in his. But, we are only human and the heart does have desires....desires to bring a child into our arms, to keep and to love. I'm praying that your prayers are answered soon. Keep the faith and keep your chin up. I do believe that good things come to those who wait :)

    Sending you sunshine and a Rainbow :)

  2. Oh, don't I know the waiting patiently feeling....10 years. I won't lie...many of them stunk and I just got weary. That's why I just knew Matthew was invincible...he was the payoff for TEN years of waiting faithfully.

    I'm so sorry, Amanda. I pray for the wait to go quickly and a living, breathing child to be in your home to love and raise soon.


  3. It's hard to be patient when it's a child you long for, even when you know God's timing is perfect. I hope that it is soon!