Monday, February 22, 2010


Why is it that some people "just get pregnant" they don't have to try and the end up with more kids then they can handle. Why are some blessed with so many and it's a struggle for others to even have just one. It's just not fair. To say the least I'm hurt, angry and frustrated.

I'm asking God to help get my heart on straight again, to strengthen my faith that it will happen in His time. God does not make mistakes so I just have to keep holding on to that.

I just never thought I would feel so hurt and almost betrayed when getting news that others get pregnant. But this feeling only seems to come when I hear of someone who already has 3 or more children and they are having yet another. I also get that feeling when I hear of someone who gets pregnant and is like well I got pregnant now I have to deal with it. Why God? When will it be my turn to be the mommy to a living child. I feel like I'm stuck in some cruel joke surrounded by people who are pregnant its torture on my emotional state.

But if God doesn't make mistakes than all these women are in my life for a reason. God crosses our paths for some purpose just as He has crossed my path with other angel mommies. I found comfort in the words of other angel mommies. But I feel jealousy, hurt, anger, and sadness with the pregnant women. I try to put on a brave face but inside I'm a mess.

God please heal my heart so I can hear you more clearly, You gave your son for me because I'm a sinner. I am lucky to be your treasure even when I sin you still love me and stand by me. God please set my heart right, help me see you don't make mistakes and that in time my purpose will be fulfilled and to accept the purpose you set before me even if it includes not having children. I believe Lord Jesus you are the light on my dark path. Only through you Lord can I be who you want me to be. I am thankful to be yours, I am blessed you have always been there and will always be there, You know my story before I even was born you know my path ahead oh Lord, I am your treasure there fore I am worthy of the path you lead me down. Thank you Lord for blessing my life.


  1. Amanda,

    I can honestly say that I have never felt the rush of emotions that I now feel when I learn of a new pregnancy announcement. It just seems so easy for others and it seems they are not grateful for such a "gift from God" It's all very complicated...the healing process is complicated. However, keep trusting in "him" and allowing him to direct your steps.

    Mark 9:23 Everything is possible for those who believe.

  2. It can be difficult to hear of pregnancy with others. It's so easy to become green with envy. I don't know why some things work out the way they do but I do know that we can trust God in everything.