Processing

I started the GriefShare program yesterday: http://www.griefshare.org/
The reason for me to start this program is my miscarriage of Tristan on September 27, 2009 brought forth with it the unresolved grief of the loss of my father July 8, 1988 and my mother April 26, 1998. As I feel I have processed most of my grief from Tristan I find now that it has reveled the layers of grief underneath. And I felt it was time to address my parent loss so that I can move forward in life with more peace and comfort.

Every event in my life has lead to this very moment in time. Every event in my life has lead me closer to God. If you had told me in 1988 or 1998 that I would be where I am right now I would not have believed you. I had felt forgotten by God. Now I know God was right next to me the whole time just waiting for me to call out, reach out and take Him into my heart. God now dwells within me and it is with His embrace that I will able to move forward through this process.

Day 1 in the exercises asks:
How would you describe your pain?
Answer:
Somedays its not there
Somedays I am numb
Somedays I weep
Somedays I can't function crippled by my grief
Somedays I feel like I'm looking out a cloudy window
Somedays I praise God for blessings
Somedays I curse God for the hurt
Somedays I embrace my grief for what it is
Somedays I try to avoid
Somedays I am kind and caring to myself
Somedays I can be as cruel as the outside world is to me
Its like my pain is a roller coaster with no end.

It takes longer to heal than most people imagine. What concerns or issues does this raise in your mind regarding your situation?
Answer:
Well considering it has been almost 22 years (dad), 12 years (mom) and 4 months (Tristan) if you don't process it early it will continue to creep up on you in your life. Based on my knowledge of things I know it will never go away fully but I would like to get to a place of being at peace with my losses and accept my grief for what it is.

A concern for me is how others might react now that I am processing it 22 & 12 years later. The outside world can be insensitive to grief and mourning. I fear being hurt by peoples words as I finally bring my unresolved grief out in the open.



Through doing this first set of questions I know that grief is natural, I am normal, and with God I am never alone.