It's been a long time

Well thought I should update my blog, since I'm dealing with stuff that needs the support of those who can understand.

Last month I started having extreme pelvic pain again. Saw a Dr turns out I have a 9cm cyst on my right ovary. My OB/Gyn is highly suggesting I get a hysterectomy due to my history of endometriosis referred me to a GYN/Oncologist for the surgery after meeting with the GYN/Oncologist he is suggesting I either do Lupron with add back therapy or have the hysterectomy either way we are going to put my body into menopause. I'm not ready for that I don't have children yet. I have a big decision to make, right now I'm leaning toward the drugs but I am freaked out about it all.

So in my stable mind I know everything in God's time, God sometimes will close a door so we can see the open window he wants us to crawl through. Not my plans but His. With that said for some reason I'm just not ready to close the door to the option of having natural children yet. I've been trying to wrap my head around and embrace the idea of adoption I'm just not fully there yet.

Tomorrow is Tristan's 2nd Bloomday, it still baffles me how I can miss a child I never got to meet but I do I miss my baby I have a friend with a child just about the age Tristan should be and sometimes it breaks my heart for what I'm missing out on. I know God has his plans and Tristan was a huge part of that plan, but my heart still breaks for my little angel.